"Daily stand-ups will make us a DevOps team", and other fun things management says

Acme Design is a full service design agency.

AKA, the "Management-Speek" translator

Brought to you by Eugene Romero!

We’re fully embracing DevOps, so we'll start by having daily stand-ups!

Nothing is actually changing, but we REALLY want to know what you’re doing every day.

The organization is going fully cloud native.

We’re gonna lift and shift, but call it cloud native.

We have to use Open Source and Containers.

Docker and Kubernetes will look GREAT on my resume.

That’s impossible.

I don’t know how to do that.

That’ll be easy!

I don’t know how to do that.

We’re estimating 80 hours for this User Story.

No one has absolutely any idea how long this will take, but we won’t have to worry about it for about 2 weeks.

Time for sprint planning!

Time to move all open tasks to next sprint and hope no one looks at the burndown chart.

June 1st is the go-live date.

June 1st is the date when we’ll start to get really stressed about how far behind we are.

AI! Machine Learning! Blockchain!

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Twitter: @theEugeneRomero

Slides: https://damn.engineer/

Based on a webcomic by Forrest Brazeal: @forrestbrazeal

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